Don't think! Just Write!

I started and stopped this post about 6 times yesterday. I am not quite sure what direction to take this blogging thing. Do I start with what I came here to do, write about my ancestral journey? Do I start with how I began my family tree on Ancestory.com, or how I utilized Familysearch.org to find information for free when I couldn't afford the subscription fees to the other site? Do I tell stories of each mystery, how I solved them, and what I did to get the information? For some reason I feel that those who would be inclined to read this (the genealogically minded) may have already "been there, done that". They perhaps, like me, are only searching other genealogical blogs and websites trying to find a cousin with information they need in their quest to fill in all the empty leaves of their ever expanding family tree.
I question why I am here writing this at all, other than if I don't just start writing, I never will. I need to purge from the confines of the yellowing paper with manual typewritten words and white out, all the information that my grandmother spent decades of her life gathering.  I need to share what I have spent the last 4 years discovering on my own, not related to HER direct ancestors. There needs to be a place where I can put my virtual hand up in the air and get a high five from others like me, when we have that "A HA!" moment.


It really does feel like I am being Sherlock Holmes at times, allthough I am not as quick to a solution as he is. It takes me a while to solve the puzzles, maybe I am more like Inspector Clouseau in the Pink Panther, often clueless. After all, I did have to teach myself everything on how to be an online genealogist. My grandmother was very methodical and old school in her research techniques, and with snail mail it is no wonder it took her decades to gather as much information as she had. She took her time, read a lot, and learned as she went along. But I have the internet, so it should be easy, right? Well yes, I must say, we've come a LONG LONG way in this sharing information thing, but when you don't know what you are searching for exactly, it makes finding it that more difficult. So round and round I go, exhausting every path I can think of going on until I hit enough dead ends. At that point, I throw my hands up and surrender in frustration, pour a glass of wine, then move on to something else for a while.

Photo by: Daniela Nobili

When I took it upon myself to start entering my grandmother’s research into a digital format, and creating a family tree, it amazed me how much information she had right. Time and time again I was able to find documentation to confirm her conclusions, and more often than not I found the missing data or answers to her hand scribbled question marks, and the "circa" or "about" when it came to birth and death dates were finalized. It was moments like those that I wish we had started this internet project together long before her passing. I tell myself she is with me, watching my progress, and stimulating the synapses in my brain while I am sleeping telling me where to search next. When I am really deep into the research, I do dream about it, unconsciously trying to piece together the puzzle of the day.

The surrendering in frustration and moving on is also a helpful technique. For some reason when I do come back, I always find something new even when treading over old ground. Perhaps it was always there, but with fresh eyes I see the information differently, or it connects in a new way and I follow a path not known of before. Filling in a name where previously it said "unknown" is such a gratifying feeling.

The writer that used to live inside me had always wanted to take a family narrative and create a historical fiction novel; maybe a murder mystery or a ghost story? I still feel like some purging needs to happen though. Too much information... too many family members... just “too much” spinning around my head to buckle down and focus on one thing.

So I needed to remind myself of rule number one in creative writing: 

 Don't think!